just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
