I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I could fuck to npr.
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