I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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