so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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