sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
