So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
