I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
