I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
