What a fucking waste of an outfit
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
