sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
