Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
