You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
barbara walters just said penis...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
