The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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