Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize