im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
