it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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