A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
