You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
