He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
