eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
