It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
