There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
