Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
