Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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