I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
