I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
