I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ugly people sure do ruin things
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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