I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
