she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
