Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
