the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
