You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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