I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
