ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You ruined the universe
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
