drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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