Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Drunk is not a location!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
