he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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