I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
