He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
