you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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