got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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