That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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