i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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