I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I just sharted jello shots
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
