you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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