is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
