Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize