i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
