Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
