no you cant smoke seaweed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
