I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
try to milk me bitch
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