if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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