But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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