God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
