So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
false alarm, still single
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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