so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
