i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
