I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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