he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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