Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just found puke in my bra..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
