i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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